I've officially literally worried myself sick. I won't go into details (TMI) but I'm going to the doctor this week (since I'm back on my dad's health insurance and have the privilege to see doctors once more). Today was the worst when it came to symptoms I've been having for days.
If I'm worrying it means that a situation is serious. When I worry I worry hard. My appetite decreases. My sleep is disturbed by either not being able to fall asleep for hours, not being able to stay asleep (waking up several times a night due to nightmares or intrusive racing thoughts), or waking up way too early. I become preoccupied with whatever I'm worrying about. My body tenses up (and does other things that I said I won't share). After a few days or weeks of all this my body and brain starts to shut down.
I was going through what I just mentioned all throughout spring semester. This summer I was hoping to relax and enjoy summer so that I could be mentally and physically ready for the next semester. Everything has changed and all of June I have been worrying.
I guess after months of this (plus the added grieving I talked about here) my body is done. So I have to calm down or else I may end up in the hospital.
I'm in a bad situation right now, seriously. As people we're discouraged from telling the truth about our lives and what we're really going through but I'm telling you that I am in trouble. I have reason to worry.
Now, I believe in God, but it's hard for me to let go of something just because I've prayed. I feel like I'm ignoring my responsibility if I'm not constantly thinking about it. Plus the situation doesn't go away until it's gone away, right? I also sometimes feel like I don't deserve a break from worrying. Right now though, if I don't let go of this I will just make it all worse.
"Let go, Let God" is a quote I see everywhere. Does anyone really know what that means though?
I'll end with some Bible verses I've known since a child but have been quoting recently, every time I begin to worry about my current situation.
1 Peter 5:8
Have any other verses to share?